Contemplation
by Sean Montgomery
Summary: After Enishi's revenge, Kenshin and Kaoru begin to ponder their blossoming relationship. Spoilers galore. Undergoing revision.
1. Recovery From A Fight

Disclaimers: Don't own it and never will. That is, until Watsuki gives me the right to make a Kenshin movie. Then I'll own a little bit of it! Until then, however...

Holy cow. Lemme just say that I never expected such a wonderful response to 'Healer' and 'One Of Those Days'. You guys have made my day so many times, I can't express how much I thank you. I'll give you another story. How about that?

  
  


Let me also clear up some things: I knew that Kenshin and Kaoru were NOT married in the manga at the time of Enishi's revenge, but I had heard somewhere that they were in Reflections (at the very, very beginning when Enishi first kidnaps Kaoru). Maybe it was just me being tired. I dunno. Anyway, that whole section is a huge spoiler for anyone who cares. I just wanted to clear some things up.

  
  


Once again, 'Mud Fight' is delayed. I WILL get this up, I swear. It's just a matter of when. School is hitting me harder than I thought. Being a Junior in High School shouldn't be so easily depicted in the movies. Blast them....

  
  


* - emphasis. "{ - thought.

  
  


List o' terms:

  
  


Dame - stop

  
  


Hai - yes

  
  


Gomen - sorry

  
  


Baka - stupid, idiot

  
  


Oro - you have to know what this means. I refuse to believe otherwise.

  
  


Dedication: To my Jesus, who helps me through 'one of those days', loves me unconditionally when I listen to Him (and even when I don't), and comforts me on hard days. I know my ability to write will improve because of you. Thank you for everything.

  
  


Contemplation

  
  


by Sean Montgomery

  
  
  
  
  
  


Haze was around him, incoherent thoughts as common as the pulsing, yet faint beat of his heart. His breath came in a slow and struggling pace as he fought to control himself. He knew where he was. In the darkest corner of his memory he came here. 

He hated the emptiness. The blackness that was around him was something he always tried to prevent his mind from going to with his chores. He was left alone with his thoughts, the dangers of his past and the blood that stained his hands. Figures would come before him. Figures with sadness and pain etched in their faces, slowly giving away to anger. Members of the Shinsengumi, with their elaborate clothing and headbands, would stare at him, the fatal wound on their bodies eternally engraved into their souls, reminding him of how each of them died. He would see other faces, other members of other groups he never knew, each one bearing a wound and an angry face.

"You killed me." That was all they would say to him, accusing him. All he could do was try to find a way out. Everywhere he ran there was someone else until he could go no further. He was getting hotter, the faces before him contorting into something he had never seen. He closed his eyes and forced himself to concentrate.

It was never this intense, nor this hot. He had a fever, he figured, and he was caught in his delirium of memories. Even though he could hear the whispers in his ears, he forced himself to sit calmly and try to determine all that was around him. 

The feeling of completion.

Coolness taking place of the unbearable heat.

Gentle fingers removing the hair from his brow.

Suddenly, the pain wasn't unbearable anymore. And even in the emptiness and the darkness of his broken past, one was willing to hold the pieces close to her heart and allow them to heal no matter how long it took.

In the middle of pain a soothing voice.

In the middle of darkness, hope.

In the middle of longing, completion.

In the midst of his mind, where he fought to take over his thoughts as they tried to betray him, he only thought of her. 

He was finally able to smile. He only wished she could see it too.

How he wished...

  
  


Her fingers skimmed over his brow, removing some strands of red as they caressed his burning forehead. "{He's still burning up}" she thought with a frown. Maybe if the water were a bit more cold or his wounds weren't so deep he would wake. Her hope would slowly fade every time she saw his face contort with pain with the knowledge she could do nothing about it. He'd been like this for two days.

She sighed. Her impatience wasn't going to solve anything. The only thing they could do was continue to give him Megumi's formula and hope everything turned out for the best. Continue to give him water - *cold* water! - on his forehead and just wait.

Just wait...

How she hated the waiting.

  
  


For the first time in what seemed like a while, he could feel how hot his skin was. In comparison to the cold cloth against his forehead it felt good. He was beginning to think clearly again; he could remember the events that lead to his current condition, but as for where he was he couldn't say. Where ever he was, he knew it had to be safe - he could hear *her* voice speaking to him in his weakened state. Comforting, softly, ever-present. He could feel himself responding to her voice, speaking in mind even if he couldn't in body.

"{Kaoru...}"

  
  


Kaoru's eyes opened once her head craned downward in her sleep. Groggily, she rubbed her eyes and gave a tired sigh, fighting the exhaustion that threatened to overcome her so easily. Glancing at the candle in the corner of the room she estimated she must have been sleeping for a little over two hours, the most she had gotten since they returned to the dojo. Thinking it time to change the cloth, she rubbed her eyes and moved to take the cloth off his forehead...

... and stopped completely when she saw his violet eyes looking back at her.

"You look tired." he said, his voice hoarse. "You should sleep, that you should."

Blinking back tears of joy, she did her best to smile at him. "Hey. How do you feel?"

He closed his eyes, seemingly to evaluate the pain. "Fantastic." he lied. Then with a grin, "Almost like the time when I fought Shishio, but worse."

Her grin was true this time. "Well at least you're awake."

"How long have I been asleep."

Kaoru filled a cup with water, supporting his head to help him drink. "Almost two days. Ever since Sano put you on your futon you've been out cold with a fever."

His face cringed with the raw pain of his sore throat, but the cool water helped. He looked at her and noticed her tired, though joyful expression. "And you've been here the whole time."

Her cheeks went a light shade of pink. "Hai."

"I'm sorry to have made you worry."

She would have sighed in tender annoyance if he hadn't looked so sincere. He was the Rurouni alright - always ready to make things right again. "Don't be."

His eyes widened in surprise for a few seconds, then calmed into a warm grin. To try to avoid his eyes (which had suddenly become very revealing in his emotions), she moved the cloth off his head and dipped it in the cold water, awake of his eyes following her every movement. When she folded it and placed it back on his forehead, his right hand grabbed hold of hers, feeling it, before traveling up her arm, her shoulder, then cupping her left cheek, his thumb gently stroking. The blush on her face intensified, her left hand unconsciously covering his. 

"You're really here." he whispered, somewhat unbelieving, the emotion in his voice startling her.

"I'm here." she whispered back, not really sure why she was saying so. His fingers twined with hers on her face, their grip stronger and slightly trembling. She brought her other hand and held his between hers. "I'm right here." she said again, worried at the sudden and overwhelming look of relief of his face.

"I'm glad." he said, his voice wavering on the brink of tears, wondering if his eyes were showing all of the infinite joy he felt knowing she was alive and sitting next to him. That's when he noticed, while taking in her features, that her face was a bright red from her blushing. He let the weight of his hand drop, sorry that he did so. "Forgive me..." he began a second later. "For being so bold."

"I don't mind." she answered. Then suddenly feeling her face become even more red (and noticing the astonished look on Kenshin's face), she turned to her side and grabbed the cup containing Megumi's tea. "I almost forgot! Megumi wanted you to drink this as soon as you woke up."

"{Megumi, huh?}" he thought, grinning slightly as she propped his head up once again to help him drink the tea. He did so, swallowing the entire thing, his face cringing in disgust almost as soon as the liquid hit his tongue. He made an equal sound after Kaoru removed the cup. "Be sure to tell Miss Megumi that her tea is lacking some herbs to make it satisfactory, that it most certainly is."

Kaoru giggled, surprised and oddly warmed that he would make such a comment not only in front on her, but about someone's formula other than her own. "Coming from you, I think she'd be heart-broken. Not everything a doctor gives you is going to taste good."

"That was just proven." he said, smiling when she laughed again, warmth filling him at the sound of her voice after being denied it for so long. As much as he wanted her to stay, however, she also needed to take care of herself. "How late is it?" he asked.

"Late." she simply answered, putting aside the cup that contained the tea and pulling the blanket further up his body to his shoulders. "She said that stuff will help you sleep."

"You should sleep too." he said, blinking back drowsiness that was already there. As much as he wanted her there, he wouldn't deny her something she obviously needed. The slump in her shoulders and the slightly dazed look in her eyes told him everything. Nodding at his answer, she stood and walked over to the door.

"Kaoru?" 

She turned at his voice, noting the strain he used to make his voice louder. "Thank you for taking care of me."

Kaoru smiled warmly. "It was my pleasure." she answered, and closed the door. Once outside, with the moon shining on the small yard and the slight chill in the air, she walked over to one of the beams and leaned against it for a moment, a smile covering her face. 

"{He called me Kaoru. No 'miss'. Just Kaoru.}" 

She thought back to earlier, when he had touched her face tenderly, almost disbelievingly. When he had talked to her it seemed like he was talking to an old friend, but there seemed to be an awkward atmosphere to it, almost like they were something more.

The thoughts were plaguing her hours later when she tried to get to sleep.

  
  


Kenshin could only think for a while, though his thoughts could have traveled forever.

Kaoru was alive. Living and breathing before him, no longer a ghost haunting his memories. He could reach out and touch her if he wished, just as he did tonight, and she wouldn't fade away as she had in his dreams. She never had died. She was always there. Alive and well.

Her voice, her laugh, even her blushes filled his memories, and he suddenly longed to be the only one who could make her laugh quite like she did, blush like she had, and smiled the smiles that lite her face and made her that much more beautiful in his eyes. He wanted her to stay by his side and not have a reason to leave. He wanted to court her.

He wanted to marry her.

The revelation sparked emotions that would have been more active if the tea hadn't been kicking in. Kenshin fell asleep with that last wonderful thought. 

  
  
  
  


Personally, I loved the line, 'Her tea is lacking some herbs to make it satisfactory, that it most certainly is'. I thought about that after seeing Harrison Ford in 'Witness', but thought that Kenshin would still try to be polite despite the awful taste. Anyone else like it?

  
  


Also, was the whole hand thing confusing? I tried not to make it that way, but I remembered that Kenshin's left arm was in a sling after the fight, which would make it impossible or hard for him to use his right hand to touch Kaoru's face if she were on the left side of him, which was how I imagined her in the first place (now that I've confused you even more... :D). To clarify, Kaoru is sitting on the RIGHT side of Kenshin, making it fully possible for him to touch her face. With me?

  
  


There will be another chapter to this. That will be the whole 'discussion under the stars' thing, as cheesy as it sounds. I might have that up tomorrow depending on how much my writing skills love me today. 

  
  


Comments are appreciated. I really do thank all of you who have read and reviewed or just simply read. You don't know how much your comments really mean to me (or any author). See you on the next chapter!


	2. Thinking Things Through

Disclaimers: The same. It's always the same. Until the movie, that is.

Notes: I told you guys I wasn't done with this. I figured while it was an interesting challenge to take the majority of the story from Kenshin's point of view, the thought of Kaoru's reactions began to grow on me and I couldn't resist. So please enjoy this updated version with the thoughts of our favorite dojo instructor!

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Contemplation

by Sean Montgomery

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Her body was tingling.

That was the only way she could really describe it. When she returned to her room a blush appeared that refused to leave. She could still feel the warmth of his hand on her face. Even when she tried to calm down and go to sleep, her mind refused to give in.

It was one of the rare moments when Kaoru felt like squealing.

It was uncharacteristic of her. She knew that. Then again, she had never felt this way before, not since she had told herself that she always wanted to be by Kenshin's side, never mind the fact that he had fallen into her arms moments later from his wounds. The care that had taken place was with something different than a hidden crush.

There was that feeling again...

Kaoru rolled over on her futon and stared at the ceiling. He had called her 'Kaoru'. Just Kaoru. No Miss. No 'I-know-you're-still-young-but-I'm-going-to-honor-you-anyway.' He said her name. As if they were courting or something. The blush intensified. They weren't courting. No point in making a big deal out of something that wasn't. The feeling refused to leave, though.

Why had he been so bold, anyway? Never before had he made such a gesture to her, besides the night he left for Kyoto. He was always so reserved, so quiet, so dense. What made him suddenly feel as though he needed to touch her?

Not like he violated her or anything...

She retraced the path from her hand to her arm, over her shoulder and to her cheek. Her body shivered with the memory, her face, arm and hand warming. He had been so gentle, too. Nothing in his eyes told her that he was the same person. He needed to know for himself that she was there. He wasn't timid, but placed his hand firmly, yet gently, on her cheek. He looked into her eyes, almost searching like a man dying of thirst.

She pushed the thought of dying out of her head quickly. There was no need to think of such things while he remained two rooms away fighting to recover from his wounds. She needed to be positive. She needed to be ready for him when he needed something tomorrow.

She needed to breathe.

Tightening her yukata, she stood and opened her door, walking out to the awning and sitting on the steps. She took a few deeps breaths, trying to calm herself and remind her body that it was evening and time to sleep. She observed the crickets chirping in the night, the gentle wind that blew every now and then. Anything to get herself to sleep. She had to cancel classes tomorrow, she realized suddenly. She needed to take care of Kenshin while he was injured.

So much for keeping calm.

"_This is pathetic!_" she thought, her hand covering her face. "_I've had an exhausting week! I should be tired enough to fall asleep immediately!_"

She stubbornly turned to the room where Kenshin was sleeping.

"_Kenshin no baka. Making me stay up all night just because he chose now of all times to acknowledge my feelings._"

Her heart fluttered at the thought. He was acknowledging her feelings, maybe because he had feelings of his own?

"Argh!"

Her face fell in her hands. With a frustrated sigh, she resolved that she needed to think things through so that everything would seem in place. Maybe then her body would give in to her weariness. She took a deep breath of the chilled night air. She slowly let it out.

Kaoru knew she had felt something for Kenshin when he brought justice to Gohei. Admiration was the first thing that came to mind. She knew it was that. After all, she had only known him for a few hours at that point. A sudden crush or love at first sight was always ridiculous to her. Attraction came next. That he could move so swiftly at his age and be willing to help a defenseless person as young as she was could be nothing short of attraction. Not in the romantic sense, but of how valiant he was. Nobility was third. Fighting for a cause that he would willingly give his life for, not backing down but finding an alternative to death... few people could accomplish that in their lifetimes. Selfless was fourth. He never did complain about his chores, nor did he ever ask her to cook dinner for a change. Either because he was selfless or because he believed the rumors that her cooking was deadly...

The night he said goodbye came to mind. She remembered how devastated she was when he held her in his arms, whispering a final 'Sayonara' before turning in the darkness, his form slowly fading to nothing as he continued to move forward, never looking back. If Megumi hadn't of brought her back she might have stayed in bed for days. But why would she have?

"I didn't want him to leave. The thought was too painful. Because I..."

Her eyes widened as the thought dawned on her.

"Was I in love with him then? It couldn't be. He was only here for a few months!"

"Love works in strange ways." her mother had once told her. Could it be that she hadn't realized that she was in love with him then?

"Of course I didn't! I thought it was admiration! But that can't be. I didn't know him well enough then. I couldn't have been in love. It had to be attraction, then. Something about who he was that made me want to discover more."

Well, at least that was done with.

She continued to think harder, resolved to get her thoughts sorted out before she tried to sleep again. Then attraction must have been what lead her to Kyoto. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted him to stay. She wanted to learn more about who he was. Why he was so quiet, so reserved.

"_It is time I told you the tale... of Hitokiri Battousai... and of Himura Tomoe... the person I killed... with my own hands._"

Her thoughts had been so jumbled that evening. He poured his heart and soul out to people who had been there in his hardest times. His past, written in blood and stained through eternity, made her wonder what he would think of remarrying. He had been so committed to Tomoe, genuinely falling in love with her and proposing to her and marrying her. Her death was the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

He was only fifteen at the time.

Maybe how she felt when he left was how he felt when Tomoe died. Helpless, alone, and full of fear that more could go wrong. Only, she got to see him again.

Tomoe would never been seen again on this earth.

Part of his heart would forever be closed to whomever would claim the rest.

She remembered the day on Enishi's island. The assured look on his face to know that she was there before him had warmed her. He had willingly fallen into her arms.

Then again, he was fainting from the fight...

But hadn't he touched her face so boldly just a few hours ago? Willingly? Even affectionately?

Something was there. Something had to be. He wouldn't just go and touch her face like that without permission. Unless Enishi's revenge was deeper than she knew, she was sure of it.

So then was she in love with him, or not?

"Kaoru?"

Her head perked up at the sound of his voice. She looked around, expecting to find him stubbornly standing beside her, face pail and ready to faint. Instead she was alone on the awning, just as she always had been. Maybe she imagined it then.

"Kaoru?"

She heard it that time. It was louder. She stood and walked over to his room, sliding the door open. He hadn't moved, but he was intently staring at the door.

"Are you alright?" she asked quietly.

"Are you not able to sleep?"

She smiled slightly. There was that selfless nature again. "I wasn't able to for a while, but I think I can now."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"_You can get out of my thoughts for a while so I can sleep._" she thought. "The only thing you can do is get to sleep yourself. You need to get better."

"You were sighing."

"I was calming myself down. I needed to get over the last few weeks."

Kenshin's eyes darkened momentarily. He raised his uninjured arm. "Could you come here for a moment?"

Kaoru stepped closer, seeing the look in his eyes and wondering what it meant. When she kneeled next to the futon, he took her hand from its place on her knee. He held it gently, its coolness melting in his warm hands. "I'm sorry." he said quietly. "I just needed to be sure... sometimes it's too real..."

"What's too real?"

His mouth opened and closed, trying to find the words while he stared at her hand. He closed his eyes, then sighed. "Maybe I'll tell you one day. For now I think we both need rest." He let go of her hand.

"Kenshin?"

His eyes opened and looked at her. All she could do for a moment was look back. "I hope you feel better soon."

He gave her the slightest of smiles. She felt her heart flip. "I'm already beginning to. Good-night, Kaoru."

"Good-night." she said. She stood and walked back to the shoji door, sliding it open, then shut. Outside, she took another deep breath before going to her room. Once inside, she laid down on her futon, letting her mind wander with its last few thoughts. He had called her 'Kaoru', again. He had touched her hand again, effectively heating it. The answer to her question came back when she rolled over and made herself ready to sleep.

The moment Kamiya Kaoru knew for sure she was in love with Himura Kenshin was the moment when he called her by her name.

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Fluff. Fluff. Dear Lord, I hope this is in character. These are all the thoughts that have stemmed from a mind that has never known romance. I tried to put myself in Kaoru's situation and went from there, and ended up with a mere three pages that is kinda close to four. It's a start, though. Expect more of these in the near future.

Also, I am going to get the next chapter of 'Reflections' out soon, I swear. The chapter actually took a new turn, so now I'm exploring the possibilities with the added characters... oops! Said too much already. :)

See you next chapter!


	3. Permission To Court

Disclaimers: Same as the last chapter - ain't mine until that movie. :)

Notes: Apparently, I didn't make it as soon as I thought I would. Not very many notes this time, but thank you for the heartwarming reviews. It's good to see some of you again! They make my day. I love reviews... they make me feel loved. :D

  
  


Contemplation

By Sean Montgomery

  
  
  
  


Three weeks later Kenshin found he had to watch himself when he was around Kaoru. When he realized how much the assistant master meant to him he had impulses he would have acted on... if it weren't for they weren't courting.

That bothered him later on. With Sano gone and Yahiko moving out of the dojo, they had the place to themselves. He knew the rumors that must have been going around the city about the instructor and the former manslayer - himself getting most of the negative attention - but he didn't want to ask her to do anything with him simply because of some things people had been saying.

He smirked to himself. Maybe that's why he insisted on getting everything from town lately.

Taking a deep breath of the cool night air, Kenshin looked at the countless amount of stars over his head. Small, yet beautiful, decorating the dark sky, making it seem a slight blue... blue, like her eyes.

"{Now, now.}" he thought, shaking his head. "{I can't be thinking like that. I haven't even suggested the idea to her, that I have not.}"

Almost bashfully, he looked at the sky again.

"{But it's really tempting.}"

Using his right hand, he rubbed his eyes, trying to think about his current situation other than the things that reminded him of the woman who was sleeping in a room not very far away. He knew he liked her - that was plain enough. And he knew he wanted to marry her ("{Courting comes first!}" he reminded himself). It was just getting past the hard part. Asking her.

While he wasn't the most romantic man in the world, he knew all she would ever want in his question was sincerity. He knew he could do that, he just didn't know if the question would come out before he fell into a fit of muttering 'oro's while trying. That made him gulp. What if he mumbled? What if he took so long getting his words out that she hit him? 

...What if she said 'no'?

He hung his head and groaned. He was nearly thirty, for goodness sakes! He was acting like a fifteen year old!

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and forced himself to relax. He had to think things through. He was thinking about starting a relationship that he very much wanted to end up in marriage. He wanted to be with her, not just living with her, but have the assurance that she'll be with him as long as he lived. The thought suddenly made him think of white plums. Tomoe. What would she think?

"What do you think, Tomoe?" he asked aloud, looking at the sky once more. "Do you think that I've been living alone long enough? It's been a long time, that it has. Would you agree with my courting again?"

His mind's eye saw it clearly. He could see Tomoe in the same place she died, but she was still as lovely to him. She wasn't marked with the wound that killed her, but standing with her hands folded, staring right at his eyes. And in them, he saw nothing but approval, and her smile told him everything. In his own way, he smiled back.

"Thank you." he answered. "Don't think this means I'll forget you. I could never. I'm just making room in my heart now for Kaoru."

"Kenshin?"

"Oro?!" The sound startled him so much he nearly fell over. Looking over to the left, he found Kaoru struggling to make her way onto the roof. "Why are you up here? You should be resting!"

She stood before him and took in his clothing, noting he hadn't changed into his yukata yet, meaning he had been up there for a while. She also noticed his left arm in the sling, and confusion was on her face. "*How* did you get up here?"

He smiled. "It isn't very hard, that it isn't. You made it up here, didn't you?"

She sat down next to him, pulling her robe closer around herself. "I meant how could you do it with a sling?"

"Well, that isn't very hard either."

She shook her head. "Never mind. What brings you to the roof?"

He looked at the sea of stars again. "I needed to think about some things."

"And you couldn't think on the ground?"

"Important things. Crucial things." he turned to look at her and noted her slightly frustrated face. "I like it up here anyway. You can see so many things." he shrugged. "It's just easier to think."

"What were you thinking about?"

His eyes widened.

"If you don't mind my asking."

Oh, he didn't mind her asking. *He* was the one who needed to be asking! How ironic that she would choose that very moment to come on the roof so innocently and ask him what he was thinking about. He could say many things; 'you', 'us', 'our future together' came to mind. Swallowing a bit of nervousness that threatened to shake him, he took a breath and said the honest truth. "You." 

"Me?" she said, a blush lightly staining her face, while her eyes widened in surprise. "Why me?"

His stomach fell with that question. He hoped his palms weren't shaking. "I was thinking about how long we've known each other, how so many things have changed."

"That's true. Many things have changed."

"And that Enishi's revenge made me think about something." her silence told him to continue. "That after all we've been through together, with Ji'neh, and Saito, Shishio and now Enishi, it was being without you that hurt the most."

A blush had returned to her face when he turned to look at her again. "{Deep breaths.}" he thought. "{Deep breaths.}"

"Kenshin?"

"I know I'm being bold again, and I hope you'll forgive me again, but I don't think I'm being fair to you if I keep..." he stopped suddenly, trying to gather his thoughts. "{Just get it out!}" part of him screamed. "{Just say it!}"

And say it he did.

"I like you, Kaoru."

Looking at her, he could honestly say she was shocked. But the joy and relief in her eyes gave him hope. Blushing slightly, she answered, "I like you, too."

His smile was warm. "Really?"

"Kenshin no baka. I've liked you for quite a while. Hasn't it been obvious?"

He thought back to many times where he remembered he thought she was acting strange, and realized it was. The smile broadened. "I've been thinking about this for a while now, and... well..." he took another deep breath, unaware of Kaoru's analyzing gaze, realizing just how adorable he was when he was nervous. "I would be honored if you'd allow me to court you."

There. He had said it. It was that moment when he thought that the loudest sound he had heard in his life wasn't the sounds of war, but his own heartbeat. The silence continued, and he took it for rejection. The light in his eyes fell and his form slouched. "I understand if...oro?"

He hadn't expected on seeing her tear-stained face. Her smile told him everything behind them. His nervous expression must have stayed on his face, for she suddenly shook her head and scooted closer to him. "Kenshin no baka." she whispered affectionately.

He had never realized his insides were trembling with the intensity of his emotions and the fact that she hadn't really answered his question. "Is... is that a yes?"

She giggled, the tears of joy still pouring. A gentle hand came and wiped them away. She opened her eyes and saw in his everything that he was feeling. 

"Is it a yes?" he asked again, slightly more urgent this time.

"Kenshin no baka!" she nearly laughed, scooting closer to him again and looping her hand through his arm, cursing the sling that prevented her from holding his hand, something she wished she could have been doing. Looking at the sky, she smiled when she felt his hand cover hers on his arm, the callouses brushing against the soft skin.

She closed her eyes. "It's a yes."

  
  
  
  


This might not be complete yet. I'm not sure if this was quite the way that I wanted this part to go, but I'm satisfied with it. I'll put a note up if it ends up being revised.

What did you guys think? Feed back would be greatly appreciated, especially since this chapter was difficult to keep in character.

By the way, I finally saw 'Reflection' over the weekend. You guys were right - I cried all through the end. I also saw 'Trust and Betrayal'. That was pretty cool too, and helped inspire the little part up there where Kenshin asks Tomoe about courting Kaoru. I thought that, since he had such a deep relationship with her (according to what little we see conveyed in the OAV), he would want to remind her that he's not forgetting about her but 'making room in his heart for Kaoru'. Aww.... 

See you next chapter!


	4. Cooking Lessons

Disclaimers: Not mine, but the first draft of the movie is! Ha!

IMPORTANT NOTES: I am so, so sorry for not updating in a long while. I'm nearly embarrassed, I'm so sorry. December was a kind of hectic month for me - my sister got married the sixth, my older sister had her first anniversary the fourteenth, school was hard before the break, Christmas (which, by the way, I hope everyone had a great one!), my birthday was on Saturday... it was a lot to do. Also, I hadn't really intended to expand this story as much as I have, but the inspiration kept coming, and the ideas came faster than anything, so this chapter needed a bit of work before I could post it. The rest of the chapters (as many others as there will be) will be like this because I like to think that no one could really *capture* the courting process for Kenshin and Kaoru, because it's kind of a magical thing for whoever is courting the love of their life. So, if you'd continue to be patient like you all have, this unworthy one will try the best she can to get other chapters out. Thank you very much for your reviews - you guys are too nice!

  
  


Contemplation

By Sean Montgomery

  
  
  
  


Courting, Kenshin figured, suited him.

And not just that he got to spend as often as he wanted with Kaoru, though that was a major fact, but that he didn't feel quite as lonely anymore. He found that there was something new, something that felt fresh when he saw her in the kitchen in the morning, willing to help him with anything, or when he was doing his chores.

She was everywhere, it seemed.

Oddly comforting.

Their visits to the market were rarely without each other. Even now, with her standing with a bowl of tofu in one hand, and him wondering if it was too bold to put an arm around her shoulders, he felt this was the most natural thing in the world. She would smile at him occasionally, a small one when being thoughtful, a bright one that warmed him when she laughed at something he had said. Everything felt so natural, he had to remind himself that they weren't married.

If only he could get that darned arm around her shoulders...

Why had he been so foolish not to do anything before? To keep her waiting for so long? Was he really so daft that he was convinced that he was too blood-stained, too dense, too old to court her?

He rolled his eyes. Of course he was.

"What was that for?" he heard Kaoru ask, noting just then that she was looking at him confused.

"Nothing." he grinned, assured that the smile would convince her of such. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"{At least I don't have to ask her to court me again.}" he thought with a small grin. Leading her back on the path to the dojo, he took the full bucket of tofu from her, realizing at the last minute that he destroyed his chance of getting his arm around her shoulders. "About you."

"You seem to be doing that a lot." she said, attempting to hide the blush that rose on her face by stepping a little behind him.

"I'm doing a lot of thinking on this relationship, that I am. Nothing negative, of course. Remember that I haven't done something like this in quite a while. It's sort of new to me."

"Of course." she said, shaking her head as if he had pointed out something that was horribly obvious. "I should have remembered."

"It's all right, Miss Kaoru. There's no harm done in it."

Her face suddenly became disappointed. As much as she tried to hide it, it was nearly impossible under his searching gaze. "Is something wrong?"

"No." she said suddenly. Too suddenly for his taste. "Nothing wrong."

"Now, now." he said, stopping them both so he could face her fully. "How do you plan on progressing if we don't talk honestly with each other? I am honest with you. I'd be honored if you did the same, though that is your own decision."

Kaoru looked at him when she noted the compassion in his voice, the hope in his eyes that she would agree to putting herself in a vulnerable position as he so often did when talking to her. She wrung her hands in front of her. "You called me Miss Kaoru."

He glanced away for a moment, remembering the usage only moments ago.

"Please don't call me that. I hate it when you do."

Eyebrows shot up at the confession. They lowered slowly as the slightest of smiles fell on his face. "Then what do you want me to call you?"

"Kaoru will do. After all, we are in a relationship now. Don't you think we've known each other long enough to not use honorifics all the time?" Her stature changed all of a sudden. She was walking ahead of him, rambling as she went about how it was foolish to keep calling her something he should reserve only for the elderly. Kenshin could only continue to grin at her retreating figure. It broadened when she turned and asked him what was taking him so long. Walking slowly toward her, his eyes never leaving hers, he stopped right in front of her.

"If you wanted to be called something different, you only needed to ask."

With that he started walking down the path again, Kaoru stunned for a moment before regaining herself and catching up to him. When she got to his side, she lifted her hand and looped it through his injured arm. Kenshin, though happy with the small display of affection, was slightly disappointed. It was all that stupid sling's fault.

  
  
  
  


Because of that stupid sling, he thought bitterly a few hours later, it would be impossible for him to cook dinner properly. He stood in the kitchen staring at the tofu that he and Kaoru had bought earlier, quietly angry and mourning the loss of his arm, and the inability to cook Kaoru another dinner. While it was true that he cooked just about every dinner since he came here, it became more special to him now because he was able to do it for Kaoru. He loved it when her eyes lit up with a meal specially prepared for her (whether she knew it or not) and her smile along with her exclamation of how good the dinner was. He would be lying if he said that part of him wasn't always excited to see her face during dinner. 

And, darn it, he wanted to see it again! 

His sigh was full of frustration. As much as he tried, he couldn't cut the tofu pieces properly. They were too messy, with his knife pointed at an awkward angle trying to make the pieces as small as he could. When he tried again for the fifth time, he nearly threw the knife with his frustration as the force behind it.

"Kenshin?"

Her voice startled him. He flipped back to face her, knife still in hand, eyes wide with surprise. Her face was masked with confusion. "Are you all right?"

He put a smile in place. "Why do you ask?"

"You've been hitting that cutting board for the past five minutes."

Feeling the slightest blush taint his cheeks, Kenshin turned to the cutting board. Messy little pieces of tofu were strewn everywhere, most looking like they had been squished more than cut. Turning to look at her, he lifted the knife, his face staring at it like the thing had defeated him in some way. "I can't cut the pieces, that I can't. Holding the tofu is a little more difficult when my arm is in a sling."

Walking out of the doorway, Kaoru gently held the hand that protruded from the sling. "I guess it would be would it? But that's okay. If you'd like, we could eat at the Akebako again."

Dispare clung at him. If anything, he didn't want to have another dinner where others would stare at the both of them, as selfish as it sounded. He looked back at the pieces of tofu on the cutting board. A thought came into his mind that he hadn't realized he said until to was too late.

"You could help me cook dinner."

He was expecting some kind of dismissive wave of her hand and a small laugh to be followed by the painful truth in her eyes. She always let him do the cooking - she didn't want to scare him off with her food that, while looking good, lacked taste - but this time she merely looked at the cutting board and the small piles of spice set next to them that he had intended on using, and bit her lip. "I could do that. With your supervision, of course."

Kenshin hadn't expected the smile that came on his face, nor the joy at knowing that he was going to give Kaoru what could be her first cooking lesson. Turning to the cutting board, he handed her the knife, watching as her eyes filled with determination when she grabbed one of the bigger tofu pieces and slowly moved the knife through it. Eventually she began to get uneasy when he hadn't said anything for a while. The movements in her hands gave her away.

"Am I doing this right?"

"Perfectly." he said, merely watching her with a straight face.

"You'll need to help me out, eventually."

He shook his head. Her face turned to him when she saw it. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"I don't plan on helping you out. Maybe giving you a hint every now and then, but not helping." With a small smile, he turned and retrieved a pot with his good hand and walked out the door, intent on boiling some water. Kaoru only watched him leave, surprise as obvious as the tofu in front of her. Did he honestly want her to ruin the meal?

A little while later when he came back to her side to check on her progress, he only nodded and gestured to the boiling water, moving aside so she could put the small pieces into the pot. A small smile came to her face when she found that he had not only boiled the water, he had put other ingredients into it as well. Not helping, huh?

"What's next?" she asked, setting aside the cutting board.

"Spices will be added to give the meal some flavor, but there is a time when the specific one needs to go in. Decide which one will go first." He gathered the spices and walked over to her, holding the three of them out for her to decide. She stared at them for a while, hand hesitantly coming to rest on one.

Kenshin cleared his throat. Rather loudly. Looking at hid face, he slightly shook his head. She raised her eyebrow and placed her hand on another one. He cleared his throat again. Grinning broadly, she took a small portion of the third pile and put it into the pot, stirring it all the while. "I thought you said you weren't going to help me."

"I'm not helping you. Just giving you a head start."

She laughed at that, her smile making his grow. Suddenly, he grabbed the spoon she was stirring the meal with, covering her hand with his. "You shouldn't stir the mixture quite like that. Do it in circles. It's easier on the arm."

Kenshin realized at the last minute that she wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. It was then he realized that he was standing close to her. So close he could smell the scent from her hair and a slight whiff of the perfume she was wearing. Close enough for her scent to make him dizzy.

Way too close indeed. Inappropriate for this time.

"Gomen." he said quietly, feeling a small blush begin to stain his cheeks as he pulled away.

It was after that when Kaoru remembered how to breathe.

  
  
  
  


Sitting down at the small table - Kaoru insisting that she bring the food to him since he couldn't use his other arm very well - Kenshin resolved that the surface of the table before him would be appropriate for him to hit his head on. He wouldn't do it, however, because he didn't want to make Kaoru worry.

How on earth had he gotten so close to her without him noticing? He was supposed to be the one who was able to keep himself at bay when he was around her. Granted, he was just trying to help her stir the soup. 

"{But that's no excuse!}" his mind screamed back. "{Nothing of that sort should happen at least until we're engaged!"}

That thought brought a small smile to his face, a groan afterward when he thought of whether or not she would say 'yes' to something like that. "{Don't even go there.}" he thought, rubbing his eyes. "{Worry about the situation at hand now before any possible thing in the future.}"

"Kenshin?"

Kenshin's head snapped up, looking at Kaoru who was awaiting... something from him. His face reddened again when he understood he had been caught in his thoughts while she had placed the food in front of him, waiting to hear what he had to say about it.

"{Baka.}"

Awkwardly getting the bowl in one hand, Kenshin held it firm within his grasp. He glanced at Kaoru, almost smiling at the somewhat nervous and anxious look in her eyes, and confidently lifted the bowl to his lips. He kept his face clear of any thought until the bowl was back on the table. She was persistent on an answer, rapidly asking him things while he was still drinking, and was ready to fume until he spoke.

"The broth is wonderful."

Slipping chopsticks in his right hand, he lifted a piece of tofu and put in his mouth, taking time to chew while she grew impatient. When he swallowed, she looked ready to throw her bowl at him.

"The tofu is, as well."

That didn't seem to satisfy her. "You've always said that, Kenshin. What do you really think?"

"Honestly! The meal is great, that it is!"

Her shoulders slumped in defeat, her head sinking. "It's horrible. You're saying that to be nice."

He chuckled, a delighted sound full of sympathy and abounding happiness. "If you don't believe me, you should taste it for yourself."

Kaoru sighed miserably and fixed her own chopsticks in her hand. Finding a piece of tofu, Kenshin waited while she put it to her mouth - and smiled broadly when her face lit up in delight.

"It *is* good!"

Kenshin found another piece and put it in his mouth. "I told you it was."

"I thought you were just being nice!"

"Of course not. I know how hard you worked on this meal. I knew it was going to be delicious."

A moment of silence passed. Kaoru smiled gratefully at Kenshin, full appreciation shining in her eyes. "Thank you, Kenshin."

Noting the expression on her face, he could only smile back. "It was my pleasure."

  
  
  
  
  
  


And there be chapter three. Don't ask me what on earth they were eating - if there is any Japanese person who read this and was completely confused, don't be. My lack of knowledge in the Japanese food area is abundant, so I tried to do something without actually looking up a meal. Bad author. Bad, bad...

Also, this might be the second to last chapter, now that I think about it. I'm finding it harder and harder to create scenarios and keep these two in character (the whole cooking sequence took me this whole time to fix up. Argh...), so I might just advance a few months into their relationship. Just think, though - after this, you'll get another fic where they're married! Bet you can't wait, huh? :D

Small note - birthday greetings earn brownie points from authors. Just FYI. *laughs*

See you on the next chapter!


	5. Epilogue: Proposal

Disclaimer: Not mine. Just for the record.

Notes: The last chapter. This has actually been a fun ride. Thanks so much for your kind words. I appreciate all of them, and wish I had more time to tell you all how much. After this, I might post an Escaflowne story, then right after that, another Kenshin one. A funny one. Check out my bio page and you'll know. Ah, I'll quite talkin'. Enjoy!

Oh, and Mip, don't send your legions of Plushies on me until I know whom your sending. You might end up not getting one back. :D

This is a short one, too. Intentionally. Epilogues are supposed to be short... right? ;)

  
  


Contemplation

  
  


By Sean Montgomery

  
  
  
  


For the first time in a long while, Kenshin was jittery. When it last happened he was a young boy, hardly a swordsman at all challenging a group of men with a sword he could barely hold up. At that time, his master had come along and taken care of the job, eventually taking Kenshin to his mountaintop home where he learned how to fight.

More than sixteen years ago. 

His master wouldn't be here to help him this time. A good thing. It would be very awkward for Hiko to show up just as he was asking Kaoru to be his wife.

The thought was comforting and unnerving at the same time, a warm feeling mixed with the cold nervousness he felt at the moment. He was standing a few feet away from the dojo door, needing some space to think and to not be distracted by the sounds of Kaoru's moving feet. The sounds of the small stream were comforting, and the distant sounds of twilight calmed him down. The fireflies would be coming out soon. 

He took a deep breath and looked at the red and orange streaked sky. During the last eight months of their courtship, he had convinced himself last night that he would be perfectly fine when asking Kaoru the question that had been inside of him for so long. It was long enough. They had known each other for longer than that.

Perhaps that was what made him nervous. He knew very well that Kaoru would openly say 'no' to anything she didn't want to do - past incidents in their courting made that clear - but she wouldn't have said 'yes' to courting him if she really hadn't meant it. That gave him a burst of confidence and sent a smile on his face. Then as quickly as it came, it was gone. That meant nothing. He was going to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him. What if she said it only because he was a great worker?

"Oh, yes, Kenshin! I'll marry you! You'll keep the dojo so nice and clean! And the laundry will never look better!"

The thought made his shoulders slump. Just the thought of her saying something like that drove him crazy with anxiety. 

"{You helped her cook.}" he thought. "{You showed her how to do many things she didn't know how to do very well. And she always said 'yes' when you asked if she needed help.}" But what if she had only said it out of obligation? Would she really lie to him because she couldn't bare to see the hurt on the Rurouni's face?

"{Of course not. You *know* her!}"

And that lead him back to square one.

Sighing irritably as his mind continued to wage war for Kaoru's decision, Kenshin plopped down on the grass below him and rubbed his face in his hands. How on Earth would he know unless he asked! He couldn't be so afraid of her answer that he couldn't ask, could he? He was able to face the Shinsengumi single-handedly, take down some of the best fighters in Japan, and survived those hellish years before the Meji era dawned in Tokyo! Was he really afraid of asking a simple question?

Yes. 

Of course he was. Kaoru meant the world to him. It was small times when they would sit and talk to each other that would make him wonder what it would have been like had he not gone through everything he had, and they had met accidently on the street. It was when she smiled that he felt he could take on a whole army by himself, only to see that smile again. When she laughed, it was the sweetest sound to him, one that he would live his life for only to hear once again. Her spirit was strong and feisty, sometimes unshakeable, but he loved the fire he saw when she was fighting for a righteous cause. Her gentleness was a wonder to him, a wonder that she would take in a Rurouni she didn't even know. Even her insults were spoken out of love. Even when she called him an idiot, he knew, somewhere inside of himself, that she was calling him that because she loved him.

His heart skipped a beat. A smile formed on his face. She loved him. Of course she did. Would she really have gone through everything she did just because she felt like she had to? Of course not. She loved him. He loved her. It made perfect sense.

Standing up and brushing the grass off of himself, he failed to realize there were fireflies and a moon breaking the horizon, all other senses dimmed in the light of determination. He could do it. She would say 'yes'. All because she loved him.

"Kenshin?"

Funny how she always knew the best moments to startle him out of his resolve.

He brought his now healed left hand to the back of his head, laughing nervously. "Kaoru? What are you doing out here?"

"Coming to find you. It's gotten late and I hadn't seen you in a while. I wondered where you had gone off to."

His hand began to tremble behind his head. His mind could only wonder where his determination had run off to. "{Baka, baka, baka, baka....}"

"I'm sorry to worry you. I had to think for a while."

"So late at night?"

He glanced at the sky. It was much darker than he thought it was. He must have been out here for over an hour. His mind quickly scrambled to gather an explanation.

"Forget it." she said suddenly, coming next to him and putting a hand on his arm. "Come back to the dojo, Kenshin. It's getting late."

He stared at her outstretched hand for a while, realizing how cold it was, how that must have meant that she was out here for a while too. For what reasons he couldn't really think of, but all the same, he followed her back to the dojo, closing and locking the doors now that he had both of his arms to do it. When he turned, she was still there beside him. She hadn't changed out of her kimono yet, he noticed, meaning she hadn't taken a bath. Thinking she was giving a silent plea, he asked the question himself, slightly raising his eyebrows when she refused. 

"I'm tired now." she said, suddenly upset that she refused his kind offer. "I think I might go to bed early. Classes wore me out today."

Her steps echoed into the still night air. Kenshin turned to check on the lock and froze. If she went into her room, he would loose all chances of asking her. Turning around quickly, he nearly sighed when he saw she had just reached the porch. "Kaoru, wait!"

She froze, watching him as he rushed over to her, the moonlight shining in his eyes and on his hair, amplifying it as he ran, then stopped. He looked at her for a moment, amazed that fear had rooted him to the spot when all he wanted to do was casually stand beside her and pretend nothing was wrong. "What is it, Kenshin?"

He stood straight and took a deep breath, hoping he didn't appear to be too nervous. "I have something important I have to ask you."

Something flashed in her eyes then. Nothing negative, but he couldn't mistake the look of hope that suddenly filled her gaze. He slowly walked over to her, hoping that she would accept, that he wouldn't stumble over his words...

And when he got next to her, he suddenly felt the most confident he had ever been. It truly was hope in her eyes, hope for a question she had been longing to hear, hope that this would be the moment. The only thing he felt was his will to ask the question and the love he knew she could see. Taking in her features, a smile bloomed on his face, making a small flush form on hers. Only for him, that face. Deep in her eyes, he knew she wanted him to ask her. It was all the encouragement he needed.

For deep down, in his own soul, he knew she would say yes.

  
  


The End.

  
  


Is this the end? Not too sure. I know this chapter was horribly short and I apologize for that. For those of you who wanted to see a proposal... I'm not sorry. I don't think I could capture Kenshin's character well enough to try and write some kind of proposal, so I didn't try because, like courting, it would be more wonderful than we could imagine because it happened to the two of them. That said...

Thank you once again for your wonderful reviews. I'll admit I was scared for a moment - I wondered if some of you had hated the cooking chapter and had given up on me. Literally terrified. So thanks for those words. I knew I could finish the story sane after that. :D

This one MIGHT tie into the new Kenshin one I'm doing, titled, 'Reflections'. It'll have nothing to do with that dreaded movie that made me bawl for a week after seeing it. I know that one might have longer chapters, but that'll depend on how much my muse loves me and wants me see me as a seasoned writer. Until then, I hope you enjoyed 'Contemplation' and I hope you review because I really need it. I began to wonder if I went to far when all I meant to do with this story was make it a short story instead of a multi-chapter one. So comments are appreciated. Thank you once again for all your reviews - you guys (as I always say) never fail to make my day. Later!


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